By: Jane Atkinson
Recently, it was reported that Millionaire Matchmaker Patti Stangerâ€™s advice was to â€œdumb it downâ€ if you wanted to snag your man.
Is this what fabulous, intelligent women are reduced to these daysâ€¦. games?
Ya, Iâ€™m gonna pass on the millionaire, Patti, especially if heâ€™s looking for a vacuous bimbette to serve as arm candy.
And gentlemen, I would be surprised if you werenâ€™t questioning this as well. If youâ€™re going to spend the next 20, 30 or 40 years with someone, wouldnâ€™t you like to have an intelligent conversation once in awhile?
FULL DISCLOSURE: On my path to finding my perfect partner, on many occasions I thought, â€œWhat am I doing wrong?â€ In sheer frustration, Iâ€™m pretty sure I might have tried something as ridiculous as dumbing it down.
Fortunately, it dawned on me right around my 40th birthday.
I wasnâ€™t truly open to love; I was way too comfy and safe in my stylish little condo built for one. I had a successful consulting business, travel, great friends and family. The walls had gone up and even though I paid lip service to wanting true love, I really kept it at bay.
Weâ€™ve all heard that amazing Marianne Williamson quote, â€œOur deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.â€
And fearful I was. I was playing small and safe in my little cocoon.
WHAT DO YOU WANT?
Intelligent ladies, I challenge you.
I challenge you to check in and ask yourself if you are playing small. What is it that you truly want?
I think after a while so many of us start to think, â€œIâ€™m just going to be happy being by myself,â€ or â€œI had my one true love; thatâ€™s it for me.â€ And for those who are married to â€œthe job,â€ letâ€™s really think about that. Is the job going to come and visit you in the hospital when youâ€™re 80? Ah, no!!!
And, you know, if you really are happy, then thatâ€™s cool. I do believe that itâ€™s possible. But if youâ€™re holding back out of safety, I challenge you to break free and really go for it.
LETTING GO: One of the final steps in my own journey was letting go. My girlfriend, Kris, was at the end of a harrowing divorce and she came up from Minnesota to join me at the lake for a chickâ€™s weekend. We drank wine, made fabulous dinners and went out dancing every night. Our mantra was to have a great time with no attachments, to let go of old patterns.
So even though we were surrounded all weekend on the dance floor by a basketball team (a.k.a. The Tall Boys), weâ€™d leave the bar by ourselves laughing all the way home. We never once thought, â€œI wonder if that guy likes me?â€ We stuck to the mantra despite an abundance of opportunity.
At the end of the weekend, we went down to the beach with a piece of paper, pen and barbeque lighter in hand. At sunset, we sat and wrote out what we wanted to let go of in our lives. A couple of the things on my list were â€œthe comfort of being singleâ€ and â€œplaying small in my life.â€ When our lists were done, we held a little ceremony, dug a hole in the sand, and burnt them.
GAME CHANGER: Once I gave myself permission to be the best version of me (intelligence and all) and to truly be open to love, I was liberated.
Two weeks later, I met my husband, John.
Did I marry a millionaire?
No, I didnâ€™t. But Iâ€™ll tell you what, I feel like a million bucks every morning when I wake up and step into a life where I can be myself. And when my husband looks at me with love and respect, well, thatâ€™s just sweet, sweet icing on the cake.
Jane Atkinson is the author of The Frog Whisperer: A 3-Step Approach to Finding Lasting Love. For more information go to: